People go to specialty shops looking for their something special, some shop for hemp clothes and items, others shop for specialty food, which in my case is found at any bakery or grocery shop that has a sweet/dessert area.
Now let me tell you about My Specialty Shop. It will have all of the following items:
* Time: a simple item, but I still have not found it for sale, perhaps I should look at a "Simple Shop". Some women might tell you that they wish they could have a couple of extra hours a day to clean the house, but that is not me! I simply want a couple of extra hours to sleep! Yes, that simple!
* Special Markers: the kind that has amazing, bright colors, so that when my boy decides to paint my walls, furniture or windows we will both be happy, he will be happy with his amazing colorful drawings, and I will be even happier with the amazing ability of the even more awesome markers of disappearing within a couple of minutes.
* Whatever Button: if you have ever been to Staples, or even watched their TV commercials, you know that they sell the EASY button. It is not the same one that I need. I lack the Whatever Button, the one that I can press every time someone bugs me off, that way I can ignore the buggers and again save some precious time. Another use for it would be in case I can't find the Special Markers. By the way, I have asked a Staples employee and they do NOT carry it there.
* A Buzz Off Spray: for all those previous bad relationships. It would have saved me so many sleepless nights, I might not even be in need today of the first item.
* Special Toe Waves: also easily explainable. Have you ever seen women who have their second toes slightly longer than their big, first toes? I am one of those and according to the common knowledge God gives those toes to women who will HAVE to boss their hubbies around. Obviously, not every husband (if any) likes to be bossed around and the poor wives have NO FAULT for being bossy either, GOD is the one to blame! So, to avoid any useless waste of time in discussions between husbands and wives (that could be easily used for sleep instead) we, women of longer 2nd toes, need also to be able to buy Special Toe Waves, which will send signals to the hubbies and tell them to simply do whatever we tell them to.
* A Fat Chip: you must have heard of localized fat, right? Well, I have what I call badly localized fat. Anyone knows that a petite woman can handle some fat in her thighs or her derriere - that men tend to call meat to grab. More importantly, anyone also knows that NO woman can handle ANY fat in their tummies. But, unfortunately, fat does not seem to know that, so what we need is A Fat Chip that once installed in our bodies would tell all those thoughtless, mindless, badly localized fat cells to go find themselves a better place to stay. If that is not available we could try to use the Buzz Off Spray or the Whatever Button.
* I am going to explain this one a bit better before I mention the item... I have a theory that hair is actually born in our feet, hold on, it will make sense. Hair is male, yep, it is, just look at other languages such as Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, etc, the word hair always comes preceded by a male article, so hair MUST be male. Hair start their journey on our feet (I did tell you before that they ARE born in our feet) and have to make it all the way up to the top of our heads. But it is such a long way, that sometimes it loses its drive and decides to grow its roots in our legs and arms. Which item do I need to solve this problem? Simple! Free hair porn! What else would give more drive to those silly male hairs than free porn?
Well, if you do find My Specialty Shop, PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW.
Sincerely thankful,
Carioca in Canada
