My Specialty Shop

People go to specialty shops looking for their something special, some shop for hemp clothes and items, others shop for specialty food, which in my case is found at any bakery or grocery shop that has a sweet/dessert area.

Now let me tell you about My Specialty Shop. It will have all of the following items:

* Time: a simple item, but I still have not found it for sale, perhaps I should look at a "Simple Shop". Some women might tell you that they wish they could have a couple of extra hours a day to clean the house, but that is not me! I simply want a couple of extra hours to sleep! Yes, that simple!

* Special Markers: the kind that has amazing, bright colors, so that when my boy decides to paint my walls, furniture or windows we will both be happy, he will be happy with his amazing colorful drawings, and I will be even happier with the amazing ability of the even more awesome markers of disappearing within a couple of minutes.

* Whatever Button: if you have ever been to Staples, or even watched their TV commercials, you know that they sell the EASY button. It is not the same one that I need. I lack the Whatever Button, the one that I can press every time someone bugs me off, that way I can ignore the buggers and again save some precious time. Another use for it would be in case I can't find the Special Markers. By the way, I have asked a Staples employee and they do NOT carry it there.

* A Buzz Off Spray: for all those previous bad relationships. It would have saved me so many sleepless nights, I might not even be in need today of the first item.

* Special Toe Waves: also easily explainable. Have you ever seen women who have their second toes slightly longer than their big, first toes? I am one of those and according to the common knowledge God gives those toes to women who will HAVE to boss their hubbies around. Obviously, not every husband (if any) likes to be bossed around and the poor wives have NO FAULT for being bossy either, GOD is the one to blame! So, to avoid any useless waste of time in discussions between husbands and wives (that could be easily used for sleep instead) we, women of longer 2nd toes, need also to be able to buy Special Toe Waves, which will send signals to the hubbies and tell them to simply do whatever we tell them to.

* A Fat Chip: you must have heard of localized fat, right? Well, I have what I call badly localized fat. Anyone knows that a petite woman can handle some fat in her thighs or her derriere - that men tend to call meat to grab. More importantly, anyone also knows that NO woman can handle ANY fat in their tummies. But, unfortunately, fat does not seem to know that, so what we need is A Fat Chip that once installed in our bodies would tell all those thoughtless, mindless, badly localized fat cells to go find themselves a better place to stay. If that is not available we could try to use the Buzz Off Spray or the Whatever Button.

* I am going to explain this one a bit better before I mention the item... I have a theory that hair is actually born in our feet, hold on, it will make sense. Hair is male, yep, it is, just look at other languages such as Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, etc, the word hair always comes preceded by a male article, so hair MUST be male. Hair start their journey on our feet (I did tell you before that they ARE born in our feet) and have to make it all the way up to the top of our heads. But it is such a long way, that sometimes it loses its drive and decides to grow its roots in our legs and arms. Which item do I need to solve this problem? Simple! Free hair porn! What else would give more drive to those silly male hairs than free porn?

Well, if you do find My Specialty Shop, PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW.
Sincerely thankful,
Carioca in Canada

European Commission - Silly

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. n the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peple wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

 Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Definitely NOT true, but it is pretty funny!

I Think, Therefore I Can Not Sleep and The Cure for Insomnia

As I flicked channels on my TV last night a CNN Special about an amazing new discovery caught my attention.

After millions and millions of dollars spent and many hours of intensive research trying to figure out some sort of chemical combination that would bring the sleep back to sleepless people the Cure for Insomnia has finally been found.

Surprisingly the Cure for Insomnia was not found by any of those pharmaceutical labs, it was actually found by a woman in Canada (women do kick butts!).

Even more surprising is that the woman was NOT trying to find the Cure for Insomnia and she does NOT even have a chemical or pharmaceutical background.

Her discovery is much better than any pill, capsule or even suppository could be, as it is covered by all health plans available. Contrary to many new pharmaceutical advancements that are only partially covered, if covered.

Also contrary to some of the previous advancements it does not work for a specific amount of time, such as 4, 6 or 8 hours. It does not need a second dose after the initial dose. All you need is ONE.

Unfortunately, the Cure is not readily available on the market, it will take some good nine months after you place your order to actually get it.

Her discovery is guaranteed to cure any type of insomnia, even chronic cases.

The cure, my friends, is to have kids!

Side Effects: may cause addiction and costs quite a bit of money, not necessarily right away, but long term.

Adaptacoes Culinarias

Hoje baixou aquela vontade de comer uma farofinha e se vc mora por aqui vc sabe que nao vai encontrar a farinha facil para comprar.

Jah vi outros brasileiros fazendo farofa de biscoito tipo cracker e tb jah vi outros usando aqueles pacotinhos de 'bread cumbs' que vc compra em qualquer Safeway da vida.

Bem, para mim nao rola nem um nem outro, nao consigo comprar um pacote de biscoito somente para usar como farinha; e eu nao gosto do bread crumbs, vai ver eu tenha um paladar ligeiramente mais apurado, entao vai aqui o meu segredinho...

Toda vez que vc encontrar pao velho na sua casa guarde-o, toda vez que o biscoito cracker dos pequenos ficar mole (stale) guarde tb. Depois que vc juntar um tantinho mete tudo no liquidificador e voalah: a melhor farinha de farofa do mundo!!!!

A mesma farinha pode ser usada para fazer, o que aqui em casa em chamo de 'special chicken' (quem tem filho super picky me entenderah), galinha a milaneza.

Qualquer dia eu posto a minha receita de biscoito de nata - sem nata, rssss.